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llj - 685.2k posts

Latest #llj Posts

  • Can't seem to find Someone's shoulder.Who will I rely On When it's Over?
  • Can't seem to find Someone's shoulder.Who will I rely On When it's Over?
  •  5  2 1 minute ago
  • NASCAR fast car 200 on the dashboard 🤪
  • NASCAR fast car 200 on the dashboard 🤪
  •  3  1 1 minute ago
  •  3  1 2 minutes ago
  • i don’t know what hurts more, losing people or losing myself, i talk to myself, i try not to be crazy, keep my composure and be strong, i am strong, but weak at the same time, if that even makes sense, the mystery behind me isn’t anything cool, or exciting it’s depressing, it’s sad, i’ll always be alone in my mind, with my actions, lies, motives, i’ll always lose people because i’m at a never ending war with myself, when in reality the only way to save me is to kill me, my depressions comforted me for so long, i’ve to some degree become fond of it or even used to it, i can’t blame my mom, or the girls who loved me for leaving, in the end all there is, is me, it’s not rewarding or surprising, this character i’ve become, is it even me? is this what i wanted? i’m not sure, the nightmares, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts, they all play a role, i had someone who could ease it and i made it my goal to ruin it, literally, she was so good to me, she was my heroin, or “heroine” i broke her, completely, but not only to ruin her, to build her, and she hung on, for so long, for so fucking long, now i’ve reached a point where i can no longer progress, i’m in a pond with a canoe rather than in the ocean around me with a sailboat, nothing excites me, nothing will give me joy for too long, only pain and sorrow is what has made me feel or comforted me, being suicidal doesn’t exactly help these habits either, i had a drug stage where i would pop pills on pills, just to not feel anything at all, i’d get lost, and then create a motive, the problem now is that my motives are always surrounded with these evil intentions, i’ve come to think i’m literally a villain at heart, the thing is, villains are necessary for a story to go about, but, they never find love, or comfort in reasonable motive, just the craziest the things, when i’m good i’m sad, wen i’m bad i feel alive, but then i hate myself after, my insanity has been feeding on me since i could walk, i’d only prayed i found someone who figured it out and had the patience to keep me, to disregard the pain and only feed me love, it’s selfish of me, i know, but where are you, angel, my wing ridden angel, save me - xxx.
  • i don’t know what hurts more, losing people or losing myself, i talk to myself, i try not to be crazy, keep my composure and be strong, i am strong, but weak at the same time, if that even makes sense, the mystery behind me isn’t anything cool, or exciting it’s depressing, it’s sad, i’ll always be alone in my mind, with my actions, lies, motives, i’ll always lose people because i’m at a never ending war with myself, when in reality the only way to save me is to kill me, my depressions comforted me for so long, i’ve to some degree become fond of it or even used to it, i can’t blame my mom, or the girls who loved me for leaving, in the end all there is, is me, it’s not rewarding or surprising, this character i’ve become, is it even me? is this what i wanted? i’m not sure, the nightmares, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts, they all play a role, i had someone who could ease it and i made it my goal to ruin it, literally, she was so good to me, she was my heroin, or “heroine” i broke her, completely, but not only to ruin her, to build her, and she hung on, for so long, for so fucking long, now i’ve reached a point where i can no longer progress, i’m in a pond with a canoe rather than in the ocean around me with a sailboat, nothing excites me, nothing will give me joy for too long, only pain and sorrow is what has made me feel or comforted me, being suicidal doesn’t exactly help these habits either, i had a drug stage where i would pop pills on pills, just to not feel anything at all, i’d get lost, and then create a motive, the problem now is that my motives are always surrounded with these evil intentions, i’ve come to think i’m literally a villain at heart, the thing is, villains are necessary for a story to go about, but, they never find love, or comfort in reasonable motive, just the craziest the things, when i’m good i’m sad, wen i’m bad i feel alive, but then i hate myself after, my insanity has been feeding on me since i could walk, i’d only prayed i found someone who figured it out and had the patience to keep me, to disregard the pain and only feed me love, it’s selfish of me, i know, but where are you, angel, my wing ridden angel, save me - xxx.
  •  3  1 2 minutes ago
  • #llj 🕊
  • #llj 🕊
  •  0  0 3 minutes ago
  • people suck 💔
  • people suck 💔
  •  10  2 4 minutes ago
  • 😂😂😂
  • 😂😂😂
  •  8  1 14 minutes ago